Dealing with Family History During the Holidays

Please read co-author Margery Pabst’s latest article on www.ecarediary.com.

And stay tuned for more articles to come!

http://www.ecarediary.com/ViewArticle.aspx?ArticleID=19

Preparing for the Unexpected in Caregiving

The concept of being prepared for unexpected events and circumstances in our lives is easier said than done, especially where the topic of caregiving is concerned. Many surprises arise that can overwhelm even the most experienced caregiver. Unforeseen trips to the hospital, insurance difficulties, and unexpected side effects from prescription medicines are just a few elements that the caregiver needs to be aware of. While many caregivers can suffer from exhaustion and frustration, some of the stress can be easily remedied by developing a plan to empower both the caregiver and the patient during the most unexpected circumstances.

The first step to gaining control over the role of caregiver is to take a look into the finances. You may want to make an appointment with a financial advisor who can assist you in developing strategies for managing the finances. Some aspects to consider are hospital trips, insurance co-pay fees, assisted living facility/adult day care expenses, and household supplies to make day-to-day living the most convenient for the patient. Your financial advisor will factor these elements into the budget, and help you maintain the expenses.

Another vital step for preparing for the unexpected is legal planning—this step should be done without delay. Legal planning aids in protecting the management of the patient. Naturally, laws will vary depending upon your location, as do the needs of each patient and their family. Allowing the patient to have as much control as possible is critical, as you, the caregiver, want to set your mind and the patient’s mind at ease. When the patient is no longer able to take care of himself/herself, who will be the primary caregiver where legal and financial management is concerned? Talking to a lawyer early on clears a path through any murky waters in the caregiving process.

Understanding the entirety of your patient’s ailment is also key to being prepared for the unexpected challenges of caregiving. Your knowledge of the disease and the patient’s health will empower your role as caregiver. There are caregiving-training classes provided all over the country, that familiarize the caregiver with the inevitable bumps along the journey. If training classes are not within your budget, there are also several online resources and books to consider. Co-authors Margery Pabst and Rita Goldhammer assert in their book Enrich Your Caregiving Journey that “anticipating your need for assistance and considering options for using this support are keys to your well being.”

In terms of the patient’s health, there is little to do to be prepared for the unexpected. As the patient continues on day after day, you may observe dramatic differences in their behavior. Whether bed-ridden or slowly losing certain capabilities, sharp behavioral turns can leave the caregiver feeling guilty and frustrated. Take comfort in knowing that the patient’s new behavior may be a result of their ailment or their medication. Certain side effects can include depression, moodiness, anxiety, and sleeplessness. Do not hesitate to contact your doctor to see if there are any alternative medications. Furthermore, behavior can also change if the patient’s health improves. As the caregiver, it can feel like a logistical nightmare mentally when you go from aiding the patient with nearly anything, to your patient gaining health and independence.

Being prepared for the unexpected is a difficult task on your caregiving journey. Remember to be sensitive to the patient’s needs. Furthermore, you as the caregiver must remember to take good care of yourself as well, as you cannot continue the role if you are not mentally, physically and spiritually healthy. It is important that the caregiver know to take time for oneself, to regroup and prepare to handle the next caregiving task.

For additional information and caregiving resources, please visit: www.pivotalcrossings.com

By: Lindsay Cohen

What are the Financial Priorities?

What are the Financial Priorities?

 

The role of the caregiver is one that can overwhelm many.  Deluged by a sea of doctor appointments, medicines, medical bills and information flying in from all different directions and sources, the caregiver must prioritize in order to handle the daily grind that the position requires.  While handling the everyday responsibilities, it is easy to let finances fall on the back burner; however, preparing for the costs of caregiving is essential.  Financial stability is extremely important, as it leads to security in terms of your health.   To simplify the finances, one should break down the criteria for identifying the financial priorities.  The caregiver should consider two essential categories to spread the dollars over: the patient’s health and the patient’s well being.

The first step is to consider what will have the greatest impact on the patient.  When allocating the money, you must consider the health and well being of the patient. S urely that upscale assisted living facility or expensive experimental medicine has their appeal, but will it genuinely increase the health of the patient?  Probably not.  There are several community resources and outreach programs that can yield the same benefits, some of them being relatively inexpensive.  Take the time to research facilities online, or even stop by for a visit.  But remember, if it does not serve the best interest of the patient, then it is not worth it.  Margery Pabst and Rita Goldhammer, authors of Enrich Your Caregiving Journey assert, “Anticipating your need for assistance and considering options for using this support are keys to your well-being.”  The thoughtful caregiver will always place the patient’s well being at the top of the list of priorities.

As the caregiver, it is vital to keep a positive mental outlook.  ”In the early stages, you are probably not aware that the caregiving role, if approached positively, will not detract from your normal life.  Being a caregiver offers the potential to enhance your life and create well being for the patient” share Pabst and Goldhammer.  Factored into the financial priorities, it can be a relief to know that mental and emotional well being does not have to cost any money.

After grueling over a budget for prescription medicines and doctor appointments, the stress factor can rise dramatically.  Luckily, there are many free helpful tools proven to help both the caregiver and the patient.  Art as therapy is a great resource that has been proven to resolve conflict, manage behavior, increase mental stamina, reduce stress, increase awareness and help to achieve insight.  Whether the discipline is painting, poetry or theatre, art accomplishes what many expensive medications cannot.

Taking the time to prioritize may seem like a burden, but in the long run it will reduce the stress of the caregiver, and allow more time for enjoying the caregiving journey.  Writers Pabst and Goldhammer state in their book that once the caregiver maps out the priorities of the patient, “priorities for the important things in life emerge.”

For additional information about Enrich Your Caregiving Journey and caregiving, please visit www.pivotalcrossings.com.

By: Lindsay Cohen

Your Caregiving Questions – Answered!

Your Caregiving Questions Answered   By: Rita Goldhammer

How do I handle the guilt that comes with being a caregiver?  –Gail; Celebration, FL

 This is a very common feeling that comes along with the responsibility of caregiving. I don’t know of a person who hasn’t experienced feelings of guilt. Remember the feeling of guilt is just a red flag message that you have violated one of your values. Take time to examine what value you did not honor. Your job as a caregiver is a very difficult one, and mistakes will be made along the way. Learn from these mistakes, and move on. As my co-author and I state in our book, Enrich Your Caregiving Journey, “Caregivers who view their role as a potential for growth often experience enrichment in their lives.”

Is it wrong to want your caregiving role to end?  -Rose; Winter Garden, FL

 No, it is normal to have a variety of feelings. Take time to name your feelings. If they are negative, ask yourself: what do I need to do to give myself a break? My co-author and I discuss this in our book. “In the early stages, you are probably not aware that the caregiver role, if approached positively, will not detract from your normal life. Being a caregiver offers the potential to enhance your life and create well-being for your patient…Viewing the caregiving role in a positive light and seeking growth opportunities for yourself, the patient, family, and friends is the key.”

Everyone has an opinion of what I need to be doing for the patient. Who do I listen to?  -Adam; Deland, FL

Take some time alone and ask yourself: what is it I think is right for the patient? If the patient can communicate, listen to their wishes. If you and the patient do not agree, take time to listen to each of your perspectives and then make a decision. If the situation involves a family, or large group, find time to talk about the condition of the patient so everyone is hearing the same thing. You might also want to consider delegating certain responsibilities.

        Co-authors, Margery Pabst and Rita Goldhammer, will be taking your questions each week, and providing you with the skills to help empower your caregiving journey. Please email pivotalcrossings@aol.com with any and all caregiving questions. The authors will reply promptly.

        For additional information about caregiving, caregiving resources, and how to order Pabst & Goldhammer’s latest book, Enrich Your Caregiving Journey, please visit www.pivotalcrossings.com.

Caregiver Challenges and Keys to Unraveling Conflict: Question # 4

Caregiver Challenges and Keys to Unraveling Conflict: Question # 4 
 
How is anger shown among family members? Paying close attention to how anger is shown by each member of the family will provide clues to the caregiver for management of strong emotion. 
 
-First divide anger into two categories: Positive use of anger and Negative use of anger. 
People who express their anger positively use “I” messages like, “I am really irritated, angry, resentful, etc.” or “I want you to stop doing _________”. or “We must find a better way to handle _______”. 
 
People who express their anger negatively use the word “You” frequently. They say things like “If you would just stop doing _______” or “You need to get a life and do_________”. Such comments only put others on the defensive. 
 
What can caregivers do to convert the negative use of anger to a more positive use? 
Some guidlines are: 
-Be a role model by using words like “I” and “We”. 
-Engage those positive family members to help you in converting the negative anger shown by other family members. 
-Encourage that everyone find a middle ground on which they can all agree. 

For more information, please visit: www.pivotalcrossings.com

Caregiver Challenges and Keys to Unraveling Conflict Question # 3

How can caregivers use empowerment to avoid conflict? When people feel needed and involved, conflict will diminish and sometimes never arise. If caregivers identify skills that each person in the family uniquely has and then puts those skills to work, a team of empowered individuals may result.

For example, construct a chart with the names of the family listed on the left side. Then identify skills or tasks (reading to others, cooking meals, playing with children, shopping for movies etc.) that each person can and would like to do. Keeping people busy with things they like relieves stress and conflict. Empowering them by explaining how much they are helping you and the patient keeps them asking how they can continue to contribute.

Caregiver Challenges and Keys to Unraveling Conflict: Question # 2

When decision makers get sick, the potential for family disruption and conflict heightens.  The ill decision maker, now turned patient, is not so patient.  The person is likely to be frustrated and even disoriented, but at the same time, wanting to engage in decision making.  To further complicate matters, creating a new process for family discussion and decision takes time and patience.  So what can a caregiver do?  What are some practical guidelines?

Some guidelines include:

-Ask family members to consider options for decision making.  Will it be shared?  Or by one person?  Will family members take on different types of decision making?

-Organize a family meeting to discuss options.

 

-Ask, “What is the most practical course of action that will make as many family members comfortable, including the patient?”

-Choose an option that preserves the patient’s self worth by involving 

 him/her as often as possible in decision making.

-Try another option if the first one selected is not working.

-Focus on the reasons for a decision as well as the decision itself.  (For example, think about WHY the decision is being made as well as WHAT the decision is.  Providing REASONS often results in higher quality decisions.)

Caregiver Challenges and Keys to Unraveling Conflict: Question # 1

“How Do You Deal With Family Alliances”

 

Old family patterns and traditions emerge, sometimes as feuds, when a family illness occurs.  Illness often upsets family rhythms and places new pressures on families.

 

What can the caregiver do to diminish these pressures?  How do caregivers avoid potentially incendiary situations that could have negative impacts on the patient?

 

Everyone wants the patient/loved one to get better, so this DESIRE IS OFTEN THE IDEAL STARTING POINT for the caregiver to help the family move toward harmony and calm. 

 

Tips to consider:

-Acknowledge the “alliances” . (Example: Dad may be closer to the youngest child while two brothers close in age often confide in each other.)

-Build on and use these alliances for positive outcomes by finding “middle ground” that everyone can agree on.

-Ask questions like, “How can all of us work together?”  “How can we use our alliances in postive ways?”

 

Margery Pabst, co-author, Enrich Your Caregiving Journey at www.pivotalcrossings.com

Caregiving: From Hospital to Home

Caregiving: From Hospital to Home 

            What do I need to know?  What steps do I need to take to prepare my loved one to leave the hospital?  The transition from taking care of a loved one from a hospital setting to a home setting is a challenging one.  Taking care of medication procedures, resolving conflicts, and providing comfort to a loved one is a serious responsibility to take on.  Before making the transition from hospital to home, there are a few guidelines you should abide by.

Have a meeting.  Meeting with family and doctors to discuss the future care of a loved one is essential.  One family member may desire more expensive caregiving options to ensure the comfortability of the patient, while another may want to chose a less expensive route.  Ilene Bukart shares, “When my mother was really sick, and we were planning to provide home hospice care, my sisters were adamant about her receiving around the clock care.  But it just wasn’t within our financial means.”   These factors need to be discussed before leaving the hospital for home.

Resolve any conflicts.  Resolving conflicts with insurance, health care providers, and the wishes of your sick loved one must be straightened out before the big moving day.  Taking care of these issues while taking care of a loved one is taxing and overwhelming for the caregiver.  Fleshing out the conflicts and potential conflicts is beneficial to the patient, and to your own peace of mind.  Conquering the conflicts early on is highly recommended in order to avoid problems down the road. 

Know the home care medical procedures.  Among the sea of responsibility, you also have to take into consideration the medical procedures that go along with caring for your loved one at home.  After my mother’s double mastectomy, I was given instructions for how to drain the liquids from the sides of her scars.  Two different nurses gave me two different instructions; this is a common obstacle.  While many health care professionals have dissimilar approaches to certain medical procedures, it is your duty as the caregiver to find the best route for your loved one by surveying the best option.  As the primary caregiver, you have the right to reject any suggestions that are not compatible with what you are willing and able to do.  Matt Henry reminisces, “When we were moving my mother from the hospital to the home to make her final days more comfortable, I was overwhelmed by all the information coming at me.  The nurses threw medications at me, and when I got home I realized I couldn’t properly administer her painkillers to ease her pain.  Needless to say, we ended up going back to the hospital.”  Stand your ground with health care professionals.  If you do not understand something, have questions, or feel unable to administer medication, tell them.  Tell the medical professionals to write down the instructions for each medical procedure so you can later refer to them when needed.

Honestly sharing feelings/frustrations.  Getting emotions out on the table first is best.  Now is the time for a catharsis.  In the book Enrich Your Caregiving Journey, writers Margery Pabst and Rita Goldhammer end every chapter with a journal page to empower readers to identify and confront all feelings.  Pabst and Goldhammer assert, “It is only in helping ourselves first that we can truly be successful in our caregiving.”  Holding in emotions and internal conflicts is unhealthy and will inevitably lead to grudges and exhaustion.  Sit down in a quiet spot in the waiting room or lunchroom at the hospital.  Make sure it’s comfortable (a cup of coffee in hand never hurts) to honestly make sure you are in sync with a family member on feelings, strategy, financial tactics, and more.  Also feel free to leave the hospital grounds: go to a movie, a café – find a spot where you feel comfortable in your surroundings and honesty and trust will grow.

Create a strong support system.  Your job as caregiver is tough.  But just remember, the patient is also going through a lot (internally and externally).  When your loved one arrives at home, it is good to have a strong support system already in place.  Support can come from family, friends, churches, synagogues, neighbors, community groups, etc.  Having this support system in place can also ease the burden of all of the caregiver’s responsibilities.  You cannot do it all alone, and that is okay.

***What are some tips you have for caregivers?  Tips to help others make that transition from the hospital/hospice to home?  What are your personal experiences dealing with this matter?  Please feel free to share with us.

For more caregiving resources, please visit: www.pivotalcrossings.com

Don’t miss this hot book release!

Enrich Your Caregiving Journey is out in just three weeks!   February 2 is the date to note in your calendar.   The next blog will explain how to order.  Guaranteed to provide useful tips for managing your caregiving journey, this easy to read book will provide comfort and confirmation on this very stressful time in your life.

The book is filled with insightful anecdotes which come to life in three family stories:  the Martins, the Stendalis, and the Williams families.  Interactive journal entries are provided for the reader.  Stay tuned for more information.