WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Making Changes in the New Year

January 2012

The New Year looms large, and if you’re like me, making some needed changes can feel scary, particularly if those changes involve the relationship with our patient/loved one.  For caregivers, changing day to day routines can feel risky even if the possibility for attaining some degree of balance for ourselves is possible.

So let’s take stock of that rut we were in called 2011.  I know my personal ruts, my habits and routines of the past year need rethinking.  So, let’s just jump into 2012 by facing our fears about our caregiving routines.

So what are you afraid of changing?  Pick a caregiving task or activity.  Ask yourself, “Why am I afraid of changing ________?”  Is it because…..

-no one else can do it but me?

-my loved one only wants me to assist?

-I am fearful that someone else can do it better me?

-I am afraid something bad will happen?

-I don’t know how to ask others to help me?

Do you have other excuses not stated here for keeping your caregiving routine the same?  Consider those and place them on this list of excuses.

Let’s examine each of these excuses for not changing our caregiving routine.

            -NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT BUT ME.

            I’ve been known to say this too, but examined in the light of day, it’s just not true.  Others can complete tasks; the issue is that they will probably do them differently. Different can be better!  After allowing others to help, I’ve actually learned some new options for caregiving tasks.

             -MY LOVED ONE ONLY WANTS ME TO ASSIST.

             Of all the excuses on this list, this one is and was the most different for me to confront.  Often your loved one will say something like, “You are the best at   _____” or “I really want only you to do ______.”  My suggestion is to sort out those tasks that really need doing by you, perhaps something that is very personal for your loved one.  Try to delegate those things that are not personal.

             -I AM FEARFUL THAT SOMEONE ELSE CAN DO IT BETTER  THAN ME.

             Yes, there are probably some tasks that others can do better than you.  This is true in all of life.  You excel at some tasks and for some, you don’t.  Again, sort out what you really do best and delegate those things that you don’t like or are not good at.

             -I AM AFRAID SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN.

             When I feel this way, I find that planning for my absence and anticipating all the possible problems is a good way to assure myself that everything will be all right.

            For example, asking the doctor the impact of not taking one dose of medication is a useful question that will put you at ease or will emphasize the importance of taking some necessary precaution.  Writing instructions for the temporary carer is a good way to increase your confidence. 

            -I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ASK OTHERS TO HELP ME.

             The three key rules for delegating and asking others for help are:  pick a person you trust, be specific on what needs to be done, and begin small to increase your  confidence.  So the first time you leave your loved one with another person, be sure you trust that person, write down your instructions and the patient’s needs, and leave for only an hour or two.  Once successful on a small scale, you’ll be able to apply these rules to longer periods of time and more complicated tasks.

I wish you a Happy New Year and new ways of making caregiving a personal triumph for you and your family!

 

Margery Pabst is eCareDiary’s caregiving expert and the co-author of Enrich Your Caregiving Journey.  Margery is the host of eCareDiary’s BlogTalkRadio show, “Caregiver and Physician Conversations” and answers your questions on the “Expert Q/A” section of the site.  You can access Margery Pabst’s information on www.pivotalcrossings.com.

HOW TO AVOID THE FAMILY FEUD DURING THE HOLIDAYS

HOW TO AVOID THE FAMILY FEUD DURING THE HOLIDAYS

November 2011

 Stress is a normal part of life and during the holidays, stress intensifies for all of us, but especially for caregivers.  Everything from self care to patient care to family dynamics turns up the heat during the holidays.  The successful caregiver takes a deep breath and approaches it all by dividing up issues and considering practical strategies before the big days on the calendar arrive.

 

I often start with my family history.  Considering the following questions may avoid unnecessary stress when the family gathers.

 

-What long term alliances among  and between family members exist?  (For example, does Dad favor his oldest daughter?)

-What communication patterns exist among and between family members? (For example, are your two brothers always jockeying for who knows most about a given topic?)

-How does the family resolve its conflicts? (For example, do people get angry or is humor used to resolve issues?)

-What disagreements or historical events continue to impact the family? (For example, has divorce continued to play a part in family dynamics?)

 

Answering these questions and anticipating problems will go a long way toward avoiding sensitive issues.  Here are some practical actions you can take:

 

-Identify topics that will promote harmony at the dinner table and beyond.

-Raise topics proactively to keep dinner table conversations focused on positive issues. You can be the facilitator of the conversation!

-Enlist support from family members to help keep conversation flowing.

-Avoid topics that create arguments.

-Draw up a seating chart to suit personalities and promote harmony.

-Determine the optimum time and duration for the family gathering.  All day or several day family affairs have more potential for argument than shorter ones.

 

“What is best for our loved one?” is the key question for caregivers. For families caring for a loved one, ensuring the focus stays on patient needs will avoid squabbles about ‘what dad wants’ or ‘when is the best time to have dinner.’  Simply check in with your loved one to determine what is best for their healing and well being. This is a simple and often overlooked technique!

 

The holidays are not the best time to resolve financial and responsibility issues surrounding a loved one’s illness and family caregiving.  If you are facing key decisions about such questions as “What is the budget?”, “Who will be the contact with the financial advisor?”,  “Who will speak for the family?”, or “When do we tell Mom she can’t drive the car?”, try to determine those answers NOW BEFORE the holidays arrive in full force.

 

Finally, center your festivities around a few meaningful meals and activities.  Don’t try elaborate meals or extended activities.  Keeping it simple is a key to avoiding undue stress.  Have two side dishes instead of five; decorate a five foot tree instead of a ten foot one; set the family gathering for four hours instead of eight. 

 

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season full of positive memories for you and your family.  Take pictures and roll that video recorder.  Create stories and take walks.  Most of all, congratulate yourself and your family on all the successes of the past year.

 

Margery Pabst is the co-author of “Enrich Your Caregiving Journey”, a practical guide for the caregiver.  She is eCareDiary’s caregiving expert and hosts a monthly radio program sponsored by eCareDiary, “Caregiver and Physician Conversations”.  See this website or Margery’s website at www.pivotalcrossings.com for more details.

 

DO YOU HAVE GAPING HOLES IN YOUR CIRCLE OF SUPPORT?

October 1, 2011 

If you’re like me, you have “FRIENDS” and then you have “friends”.  Caregivers recognize the real, the capital letter “FRIENDS” quite quickly.  As a caregiver said to me recently, “I had several friends who started out on the road with me in my early days of caregiving, but now there are fewer and fewer and I feel quite lonely sometimes.”  Unfortunately, this story is one I hear often and one that I experienced first hand.

So how can we caregivers shore up our support and fill in the gaping holes in our circles of support?   Building a circle of support in the first place, a circle that includes family, friends, and professionals like clergy and medical personnel is critical.   As time goes on, some of these people will, as the comment above demonstrates, fall away from supporting you as they did in the beginning.

Consider, as you continue to build and replenish your circle, some of the following questions.  As I write these questions, some of them seem obvious and yet, for me, it’s taken some effort to really put them into practice.

Do I have a person(s) who helps me laugh and who sees humor in the day to day living, working, and caregiving?  Who can see humor in a torn medical patch or a half eaten meal?  A friend who can is a FRIEND indeed! Is there someone who suggests a movie or is there to watch Saturday Night Live or a British comedy on PBS?  Keep them close.

Do I have a person(s) who listens to my issues without jumping to judgment?  We all have some friends who are ready to demonstrate why their problem is bigger, larger, more complicated and who are quick to say, “You should have done it this way.”  You need “FRIENDS” who give you the time and space to talk.

Do I have a person(s) who understands why I feel the way I do without telling me not to feel that way?  When I say, “I’m feeling guilty and not up to this today”, the real FRIEND will understand with comforting words like, “It’s ok to feel that way”.  We don’t need people who tell us that we shouldn’t feel a certain way.

Do I have a person(s) with whom I can be vulnerable by sharing deepest fears, longings, disappointments, and successes?  One of my dear friends confided to me, “I’m not sure I can do this much longer.  The marriage is falling apart because my husband doesn’t appreciate how I care for him.”  The real Friend will keep comments like this in confidence and will say, “I support you, so whatever you need, I’m there for you.”

Do I have a variety of friends/family members who represent a wide range of interests?  Not having a wide range of friends with a variety of interests was one of the biggest mistakes I made.  Enlarging your caring community to include a broader range of perspectives can help keep you in perspective.  Seek out people who look at the world differently and have different interests, particularly interests that feed the soul like crafts, arts, gardening.  I am not a gardener but I have FRIENDS who dig in the soil!

Filling your CIRCLE OF SUPPORT with “FRIENDS” is ongoing.  I hope the questions posed in this article provide you with benchmarks for keeping your circle strong and supportive.

Margery Pabst is the co-author of Enrich Your Caregiving Journey , the winner of the 2010 “Caregiver Friendly Award”.  Margery is eCareDiary’s caregiving expert.  She writes for eCareDiary’s Expert Q/A and is the host of “Caregiver and Physician Conversations” (part of eCareDiary’s “Empowering Family Caregivers”) which airs the last Tuesday of each month at 2PM EDT.  Margery also is the author of “Ask the Caregiving Coach” and is a national speaker on “Storytelling” and “Self-Care for Caregivers”.  Find out more about Margery Pabst at www.pivotalcrossings.com.

Avoid Family Communication Conflicts while Caregiving!

How we communicate with each other is key to family harmony, particularly during times of illness.  Avoiding conflicts and feuds can ensure that families maintain a focus on care.  eCareDiary received many comments about my webinar on “Ending the Family Feud”, so I’m providing more tips about family communication this month.

All of us know the importance of early detection of physical illness; the same principle can be applied to watching for early warning signs (I call them “red flags”) that signal trouble ahead, either conflict or outright family feuding.
 
Comparing our communication skills to medical detection and treatment is worthwhile, because as a caregiver, your early detection and treatment of communication “red flags” will sooth hurt and angry feelings, thus preventing more conflict.

So how can we detect family communication issues early on?  I call this skill “Detecting Red Flags”.  Communication problems (“red flags”) occur when someone is feeling left out of decision making, when someone is taking advantage of their position power, when unhealthy family alliances are created, or when assumptions about behavior are made. Some typical communication ‘red flags’ in each of these areas are:

-Feeling Left Out

“I don’t know why Alex took Mom to the doctor.  I never get a say in the matter.”
“My oldest brother makes all the financial decisions.”

-Taking Advantage of Position Power

“Don’t worry about it.  Remember I’m the big sister.”
“Tom, my older brother and Amy, my younger sister, always tell me what to do. Why can’t I make a decision once in awhile?”

-Creating Family Alliances

“Jan, I think you and I should take Dad on a vacation and leave the others at home.”
“Rita and Josh always corner Mom and get her to go along with their ideas.”

-Making Assumptions

“Dexter is still upset that I didn’t come to his house for Thanksgiving last year.”
“Jim always makes all the legal decisions and loves it.”

Often, “red flag” categories and comments focus on personal feelings about lack of control or responsibility.  When a family member says something similar to the above comments, both caregivers and other family members can apply easy and effective  communication treatments to them.

The treatments for “red flags” are very easy to remember:  Confirm the Person and Clarify His/Her Comment.  For example:

Let’s take one of the comments above, “I don’t know why Alex took Mom to the doctor.  I never get a say in the matter.” Confirm the comment by saying, “You are right, Alex always is the one to take Mom to the doctor.”  Then clarify by asking, “Why is it always Alex?” or “Why don’t we ask Alex if he’d like some help?”  By confirming and clarifying, you achieve two things:

First, you show the person you understand their point of view. (Note: You understand but maybe do not necessarily agree.)

Second, you encourage the person to dig deeper into what is occurring.  Maybe Alex thinks he is the only one who has time.  Maybe Alex would like some help.  Simply assuming that Alex just wants control and power may be wrong.

Let’s take one more of the earlier comments and try both confirming and clarifying the comment.

If a family member says, “Don’t worry about it.  Remember I’m the big sister”, confirm by saying something like, “I know you are and I appreciate your protecting me” and then clarify by asking, “Would you like some help?  We could do it together and save time?” By confirming and clarifying, the younger sister helps her older sister feel appreciated while encouraging her to share decision making.

As we approach the long Labor Day weekend, I hope you’ll try your skills at confirming and clarifying when you hear family members’ comments.  Holidays are a typical time for subtle and sometimes not so subtle family conflict to pop up.  I guarantee you’ll see some results from early detection and treatment of communication “red flags”.

To learn more about managing family dynamics, read Margery Pabst’s article, Don’t Wait for a Caregiving Crisis to have a Family Meeting, here.

Margery Pabst is the co-author of Enrich Your Caregiving Journey which won the “2010 Caregiver Friendly Award”.  Margery,  eCareDiary’s caregiving expert, is the host of “Caregiver and Physician Conversations” which can be heard on BlogTalkRadio the last Tuesday of each month at 2PM ET.  Margery also writes a caregiving feature, “Ask the Expert” for eCareDiary each month.  Access Margery Pabst’s information at www.pivotalcrossings.com.

WHEN SHOULD I HAVE A FAMILY MEETING?

We’ve had lots of feedback on our webinar, “End The Family Feud: Managing Family Dynamics While Caregiving”. Now that you have a roadmap for your family meeting, many of you wonder, “When should I have a family meeting”?

First, meetings should not be reserved for a crisis. Actually the word ‘meeting’ probably is scary to most people, so it may help to think about having a family ‘meal’, food for the sustenance of your family. Having them often to avert a crisis, a conflict, or a feud is the best practice you can use as a caregiver.

The more you have meetings, the more comfortable everyone will be about talking through issues and concerns. I found that my family meetings/meals got better and better as we met; honest comments also increased as members knew we shared important goals for our loved ones.

Key points in a family’s caregiving journey do signal that a meeting MUST TAKE PLACE.

-Financial questions loom such as bills need to be paid, insurance needs to be updated, or decisions about investment income need to be adjusted.

-Legal issues concerning updating and modifying a will, trust, and/or foundation information are needed.

-A time-sensitive decision needs to be made such as a transition from one healthcare facility to another.

-One or more family members are concerned about their participation in family decision-making.

-Long distance family members have arrived for a visit.

- Key decisions are moving toward resolution.

-Complicated medical information needs to be communicated.

-A turning point in the patient’s medical situation have occurred.

You can probably add more to this list!

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of following a set of steps for your family meeting. (Those steps can be found on both the eCareDiary.com and www.pivotalcrossings.com websites under the webinar, “End The Family Feud: Managing Family Dynamics While Caregiving”.)

Think of the family meeting as a MEAL that provides patient well being and sustenance to your family for the long term.

 The successful caregiver will also share the agenda with family members, so everyone has an engagement in and responsibility for the meeting’s success. I found the more we as a family used the meeting steps, the more engaged and successful our meetings were. Furthermore, the level of trust among family members increased as real feelings and opinions were brought forth.

I wish all of you successful family MEETINGS AND MEALS!

 

Margery Pabst is the co-author of Enrich Your Caregiving Journey, winner of the 2010 “Caregiver Friendly Award”. Margery is also eCareDiary’s caregiving expert and hosts the monthly “Caregiver and Physician Conversations” heard on BlogTalkRadio. She also answers a key caregiving question each month on eCareDiary’s “Expert Q/A”. For more information about Margery Pabst and her book, see www.pivotalcrossings.com.

HOW TO BALANCE THE TASKS ON YOUR CAREGIVING JOURNEY

Caregiving is both about doing and feeling/being. Changing from the high gear tasks that every day brings (cooking, cleaning, bathing, etc.) to the low gear of feeling and listening with your loved one can be daunting. Going from high gear to low gear takes a quick change artist who possesses flexibility, balance, and resilience.

The successful caregiver figures out how to make this change along the journey. Stalling out is not an option. So what are ways to make a smooth transition as we navigate the peaks and valleys of our caregiving role?

I know I am better at the ‘listening/feeling’ part than the high gear task part, so take a moment and consider which one you like to do best and are better at doing.
Ask yourself, “Am I better at DOING or at LISTENING/FEELING?”

Here’s a checklist for working on both areas and achieving balance during your caregiving journey.

-BE INTENTIONAL. You must have purpose and intent to do both tasking and listening to feelings.

-Write down your intent.

-Visualize yourself being great at both daily tasks AND at listening to others’ feelings.

-Begin slowly and pace yourself. Don’t think you have to achieve balance the first day, week, or month!

-PRACTICE YOUR INTENTIONS.

-Begin by picking days that are not crowded with going to the doctor or having visitors.

-Group all tasks into categories. (i.e. shopping, cleaning, preparing meals)
Organization will allow more time for sitting, listening, telling stories.

-Sequence tasks to save time, considering where you need to drive or what area of the house you need to be.

-Identify which tasks can be done while listening to your loved one. Be careful with this one, and be sure to include your loved one in the activity. For example, opening the mail is a terrific way to accomplish a daily task AND have an interesting discussion about the letters received.

-Create a space where focusing on one another is natural, comfortable, and quiet. Time for BEING WITH YOUR LOVED ONE is special so carve out special places.

-PRACTICE PATIENCE WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS.

-Accept that you will not always be successful in tasking and listening.

-Identify why you are successful on given days. (i.e. a crisis occurred, a doctor’s appointment took a long time, you were sick)

-Identify why you are not successful on others. (i.e. Sundays are more successful than Mondays, when dinner is early, loved one has had a good day)

Being mindful of what works and what doesn’t will ensure a successful journey. You won’t stall from exhaustion because your energy, like your loved one’s, will be topped up with daily balance.

Margery Pabst will be presenting a webinar, “The Caregiving Journey” on Tuesday, July 28 at 2PM EDT. Sponsored by eCareDiary, the webinar will provide practical tips for your journey with a special emphasis on family dynamics. Margery is the co-author of “Enrich Your Caregiving Journey” which won the 2010 “Caregiver Friendly Award”. She is the host of “Caregiver and Physician Conversations”, sponsored by eCareDiary.com. Margery is eCareDiary’s Caregiving Expert where you can read her monthly Expert Q/A.
For more information about Margery, check www.pivotalcrossings.com.

Are You Stalled From Caregiver Burnout?

Caregiving is both about doing and feeling/being. Changing from the high gear tasks that every day brings (cooking, cleaning, bathing, etc.) to the low gear of feeling and listening with your loved one can be daunting. Going from high gear to low gear takes a quick change artist who possesses flexibility, balance, and resilience.

The successful caregiver figures out how to make this change along the journey. Stalling out is not an option. So what are ways to make a smooth transition as we navigate the peaks and valleys of our caregiving role?

I know I am better at the ‘listening/feeling’ part than the high gear task part, so take a moment and consider which one you like to do best and are better at doing.

Ask yourself, “Am I better at DOING or at LISTENING/FEELING?”

Here’s a checklist for working on both areas and achieving balance during your caregiving journey.

BE INTENTIONAL. You must have purpose and intent to do both tasking and listening to feelings.

Write down your intent.

Visualize yourself being great at both daily tasks AND at listening to others’ feelings.

Begin slowly and pace yourself. Don’t think you have to achieve balance the first day, week, or month!

PRACTICE YOUR INTENTIONS.

Begin by picking days that are not crowded with going to the doctor or having visitors.

Group all tasks into categories. (i.e. shopping, cleaning, preparing meals). Organization will allow more time for sitting, listening, telling stories.

Sequence tasks to save time, considering where you need to drive or what area of the house you need to be.

Identify which tasks can be done while listening to your loved one. Be careful with this one, and be sure to include your loved one in the activity. For example, opening the mail is a terrific way to accomplish a daily task AND have an interesting discussion about the letters received.

Create a space where focusing on one another is natural, comfortable, and quiet. Time for BEING WITH YOUR LOVED ONE is special so carve out special places.

PRACTICE PATIENCE WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS.

Accept that you will not always be successful in tasking and listening.

Identify why you are successful on given days. (i.e. a crisis occurred, a doctor’s appointment took a long time, you were sick)

Identify why you are not successful on others. (i.e. Sundays are more successful than Mondays, when dinner is early, loved one has had a good day)

Being mindful of what works and what doesn’t will ensure a successful journey. You won’t stall from exhaustion because your energy, like your loved one’s, will be topped up with daily balance.

Margery Pabst will be presenting a webinar, “The Caregiving Journey” on Tuesday, July 28 at 2PM EDT. Sponsored by eCareDiary, the webinar will provide practical tips for your journey with a special emphasis on family dynamics. Margery is the co-author of “Enrich Your Caregiving Journey” which won the 2010 “Caregiver Friendly Award”. She is the host of “Caregiver and Physician Conversations”, sponsored by eCareDiary.com. Margery is eCareDiary’s Caregiving Expert where you can read her monthly Expert Q/A. For more information about Margery, check www.pivotalcrossings.com.

WHY EXPECTATIONS ARE CRITICAL FOR HEALING

Expectations can be a tricky business. Set them too high and people get frustrated; set them too low and you get complacent and lazy. In the context of caregiving, what is a caregiver to do? On the one hand, all of us know that keeping your care partner engaged and stimulated with events to look forward to is critical, yet setting yourself and your family up for some degree of failure isn’t good either.

All of us are aware of those who treat patients and partners in a patronizing way, giving them little in ways that encourage self-worth, self-reliance and decision-making. Let’s make it a goal to avoid this situation!

In his ground breaking book, “Treat Me, Not My Age”, Dr. Mark Lachs notes in his sub-title, ‘The Older You Get, the Trickier it is to Navigate the Health-Care System’. One of Dr. Lachs key points is that the healthcare and government systems treat us as our numerical age, while EACH OF US is unique with varying needs and expectations for ourselves.

How can we ensure that expectations are appropriate not to our age but to the appropriate level for each person? Here are some tips to consider for yourself and others.

IN THE HOSPITAL OR CLINIC:

–First, observe the body language around you as your care partner/loved one is treated. Ask yourself these key questions:

Is my care partner given direct eye contact?

Is my care partner given direct attention? Does the physician or medical professional sit by my care partner rather than stand over him/her?

Does the health provider watch for non-verbal signals that indicate my care partner wants to talk, ask questions, and make decisions?

–Second, observe how questions and statements are made by medical professionals. Ask yourself these key questions:

Is my care partner addressed directly or does the health provider address only the caregiver, using the third person? (i.e. “I think she needs more medication for her condition”.)

Does the health provider stop talking and provide space and time for the caregiver/patient to respond and give information?

Does the conversation include positive, uplifting comments that encourage progress?

–Third, ask the questions listed above in the context of family dynamics by inserting the words ‘family member’ instead of medical professional into the question.

WHAT CAREGIVERS CAN DO TO RAISE EXPECTATIONS

What can caregivers do to change the dynamics of conversations to ensure that the patient/loved one is included, treated with dignity, and encouraged to make decisions about treatment? Ensuring that your care partner is included will raise expectations for both their emotional and physical well being.

–First, address the care partner directly by asking questions like “So mother what would you like to do?” and encourage him/her to ask questions and make decisions.

–Second, encourage those around you to directly address the person with questions and comments.

–Third, raise expectations to an appropriate level for the patient by encouraging everyone, the patient, medical professionals and family, to set goals that include benchmarks for progress.

We all want healing to occur quickly. By inviting participation and encouraging progress, the successful caregiver can make it happen.

Margery Pabst is the co-author of “Enrich Your Caregiving Journey”, the winner of the “2010 Caregiver Friendly Award”. She is the host of eCareDiary’s “Caregiver and Physician Conversations” heard on BlogTalkRadio the last Tuesday of each month at 2PM EDT. Margery also writes the feature, “Ask the Caregiving Coach”. For more information, go to www.pivotalcrossings.com.

Paying Attention to the Little Things: Learning From Caregivers, Patients and Families

PAYING ATTENTION TO THE LITTLE THINGS: Learning from Caregivers, Patients and Families

This week, I entered Florida Hospital, Main Campus, and immediately saw an act of quiet, small caring. It touched my heart. There on a sofa sat an elderly couple, the wife wiping away a crumb from her husband’s upper lip. Although I was several feet away, I noticed the tenderness as she folded the tissue and raised it to his mouth. Clearly, that simple loving touch was shared often by them, and I am sure, that over the years, he reciprocated with daily simple gestures of appreciation.

A wave of something resembling humility also passed over me as I realized that this couple has so much to teach all of us about those simple gestures that have great impact. Watching for the little things makes a big difference to our learnings about kindness and caregiving. I know I learn more from the individuals and audiences with whom I come in contact than they learn from me. Sometimes we witness behaviors that make us think, “Well, I don’t want to be that kind of person” or “I’d never say that to another human being!” However, more often than not, we see tender moments between family members that are a model for how to act with grace during difficult times.

Think about a situation you’ve witnessed that taught a key lesson for your life. As you consider a memorable moment, ask yourself:

-when did it occur?
-where did it occur?
-how did it instruct your personal life and well-being?

As I get older and (wiser?), I often wonder whether I open myself to observing others in the way that I did when I was a caregiver and younger professional person. One of my personal goals is to keep that fresh outlook for opportunities and moments when I can learn from others. I try to catch myself if I get too “set in my ways” or complacent with what I’m doing. If my words resonate with you, then consider ways to pull yourself from a complacent frame of mind to a more ‘mindful observation’ of others.

What are some ways for creating ‘mindful observation’ so we can learn from those around us?

-Find a few moments each day to observe others.

-Take a few moments to sit at the coffee shop, the mall, or other public places to observe people.

-Watch for small kindnesses. (When you look for them, you’ll find them all around you.)

-If appropriate, comment on the small kindness and how much you appreciated observing it.

Finding time to observe reminds me how much caregiving has enriched my life. If you’re reading this, you are probably a carer too, one who provides the power of the healing touch everyday. Watching that power in others is a powerful affirmation of your value and skill. I encourage you to also write down your observations in a journal. This simple act will remind you of the time and place you paid attention to a ‘little’ but powerful act of caring.

Margery Pabst is an author, speaker, and facilitator. She is the co-author of “Enrich Your Caregiving Journey” which won the 2010 “Caregiver Friendly Award” given by Today’s Caregiver Magazine. Her book is packed with tips and tools for both the family and professional caregiver. Margery is the host of eCareDiary’s BlogTalkRadio show, “Caregiver and Physician Conversations”. Her regular column “Ask The Caregiving Coach” is featured on www.project-compassion.org. To find out more about Margery and her book, go to www.pivotalcrossings.com.

Upcoming Events

Here are two events in which Margery Pabst will be speaking, hope you can make it.

	Contents:  1. Early Registration Date Approaching: Project Compassion’s 2011 Spring Symposium 2. Ask the Caregiving Coach 3. Empower Your Community by Teaching “Finding Your Voice”, only 5 slots left! 4. Get Involved! Attend the Next Support Team Orientation 5. Volunteer Opportunities: Become Active with a Support Team! 6. Spring Up to Be A Volunteer for Circles of Cares 7. Learn How to Develop a Circles of Care Team 8. Resources in Action: Understanding Medicaid/Medicare Resources for Support Teams 9. Caregiving from Afar: Long-Distance Caregivers Articles: 1. Early Registration Date Approaching: Project Compassion’s 2011 Spring Symposium Fueling Your Caregiving Journey Friday, April 29, 2011, 9:00 AM – 4:00 PM The Cedars of Chapel Hill Retirement Community The caregiving journey can be like a road trip.  It sounds simple enough, get from point A to point B, but it is often filled with more surprises.  Caregivers, like a driver, must prepare, take time for rest, and sometimes may need to veer off a set course because of necessity or for fun.  In all of it, caregivers must take care of themselves, so they are better prepared to complete their journey of giving care to others. This symposium will explore: practical tools for staying in balance riding the roller coaster of emotion embracing family conflict building bridges and making transitions work maintaining boundaries and asking for help using my strength physician/caregiver conversations Audience: This symposium is designed for those who are caregivers in their personal life, professional life, or both, and those who have been a caregiver or will be a caregiver one day. Margery Pabst will be our keynote speaker and facilitator.  You may recognize her from our “Ask the Caregiving Coach” Blog, but she is also nationally acclaimed author, speaker, and facilitator.  Her fourth book, Enrich Your Caregiving Journey, won the 2010 “Caregiver Friendly Award”. Registration cost: Lay Caregivers, Seniors (65+) or Students:  $35.00 by April 15; $45.00 after April 15   (Use discount code “pss” when registering online.) Professionals and Community Members:  $50.00 by April 15; $60.00 after April 15 Through knowledge and compassion, we will find new ways to be receivers of support and care so we may continue in the giving of care. Click here to register, or call (919) 402-1844. We hope you will plan to join us for this important event! 2.  Ask the Caregiving Coach Project Compassion’s Caregiving Coach, Margery Pabst is a nationally acclaimed author, speaker, and facilitator.  Her fourth book, Enrich Your Caregiving Journey, won the 2010 “Caregiver Friendly Award” from Today’s Caregiver Magazine.  In her book, she explores how successful caregivers take care of themselves while caring for others. The Spring Symposium is a little over a month away, so to provide a preview of one of the sessions, I’ve selected questions related to a very hot topic, “How to Get Quality Time With The Doctor?”  We’ll be exploring this question and others related to meaningful discussions with your health care professionals.  As always, please send me other questions and responses to this topic.  We hope to see you at the Symposium. Question:  What can I do when the doctor appears preoccupied and doesn’t seem to be listening? - Margo Question:  My loved one’s doctor often speaks by using big medical terms.  I don’t understand what she is saying, so I can’t determine the severity of the problem. - Pam Question:  I frequently get flustered at the doctor’s office.  My attention is usually directed at my doctor, but I still forget the questions I needed to ask.  What can I do? – Woody Click here to read Pabst’s responses to these and other questions and/or to complete our online poll. Email your question or comment for Ask the Caregiving Coach to CaregivingCoach@project-compassion.org.  Learn more about Margery Pabst and Enrich Your Caregiving Journey at www.pivotalcrossings.com. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Save the Date, June 11th and 12th Enriching Our Journey for Long Life Featuring Margery Pabst:  Morning Session- Caring for Caregivers 1601 Alafaya Trail (SR 434) Oviedo, Florida 407-365-5571 Call for more information.